Beryl

08:15 pm: The little boy wanted to wrestle. I almost sent him to his Daddy, but then decided he needed examples that women could fight too. Wish I'd kept up on my soft-style martial arts, though. A flailing kick landed on my nose, and he's only three. I'd better get my act together before he's ten!

12:29 pm: the surprise of pretty clothes
I stopped dressing nicely on a daily basis in grad school. There's no point, when you're in the lab where chemical spills may happen and no one cares what you look anyway. Outside the lab, my non-chemist friends wore T-shirts when we met, and if I dressed up, even a little, I felt so out of place that I stopped doing it.

Once in the male-predominant professional world, I wanted to be taken seriously in my job, not dismissed as the pretty girl. So I mostly stuck to conservative, boring, comfortable button down shirts and jeans. Besides, if a spill missed the lab coat and stained the shirt, I wouldn't fret about ruining a favorite sweater.

Now, not only am I not in the lab anymore, I'm actually interacting with the public. So I've dug through my closet for the nice sweaters and the pretty tops. The funny thing is, I feel better. I want more. Now, even when I'm just home all day, the sweatshirts and tennis shoes are distasteful. I want to look nice. Deliberately. For me.

I'd no idea pretty clothes made that much difference to me.

08:45 pm: quote of the day
"My grandmother died last year. By the end, she could not remember all the reasons that she had been angry with people and she was finally happy."

Mylisa Larsen
"Size Zero"
Brain, Child
spring 2009

02:22 pm: they just don't like me
Number of times I've gotten notice in the mail that I may be required to show for jury duty: 2.

Number of times I've actually had to show up to the courthouse: 2.

Number of times I've been selected as a potential member of the jury: 2.

Number of times one of the attorneys has dismissed me during the voir dire: 2.

I don't *try* to get thrown out. I guess they just don't like me.

08:33 pm: funny good feeling
After briefly mentioning an email I'd written earlier in the day, the spouse looked at me with an amused, loving smile and said,

"That's my wife. Give her a compliment, and two weeks later she's asking you for an analysis of it. I've seen that behavior since college."

Slightly embarrassed, warm fuzzy feeling.
Ah, well. At least he finds it an amusing quirk, not an annoying one.

08:32 pm: sexism comes early
My little boy wanted Mommy to play Disney/Pixar Cars with him. I picked up Ramone, and was told forcefully, "No! You can't play with Ramone! He's a boy car! You should only play with girl cars! You can play with Sally!"

Mommy was not happy about this. After a heartbeat or three, I told him that he had to share all his toys, and telling me I couldn't play with the boy cars was not nice and not fair. He relented only after I walked away and wouldn't play with him at all if I couldn't play with the boy cars.

I can't decide if my response was a useful lesson, or merely as childish as the three-year-old he is.

03:25 pm: side benefits
One of the side benefits of the new job is I'm getting more sleep. One of the side benefits of getting more sleep is I don't get cravings for ice cream in the evenings quite so often.

I'm hoping that a side benefit of less ice cream is maybe I'll drop that last five pounds of baby weight that never went away.

One can hope, anyway.

04:54 pm: trash
The article about the man who saved his trash for a year didn't inspire me to save trash, but did make me think briefly about the trash I do generate. My trash addiction? Paper towels. For cleanups, I love to grab a clean paper towel to swipe up the mess and just toss it in the trash when I'm done. I do keep some rags and sponges, but I'd so much rather use a paper towel. I know it's clean, and I know I don't have to decide whether to wash and re-use it afterwards.

08:46 pm: managing anger
About six months ago I had quite a fight with my mother-in-law. We "made up" afterward, but it must not have been much of a make-up, because I am still very, very angry about it. I think, in part, it's because although she apologized, it's clear the apology wasn't very sincere.

I don't like to harbor anger, but I can't seem to get past this. I don't really want to see this woman again, yet I should do so. The only way I know to get over it is to talk about it again, but I don't think talking about it again will actually give a different result to allow me to get over it.

How can I put this behind me?

09:45 pm: important safety tip
Don't change jobs in December, at least not if your old job had benefits. Trying to sort through what should or should not be done with 401k accounts and insurance and such is rather obnoxious when what I'm really trying to focus on is holiday preparations and enjoyment.

09:31 pm: politics and morals
A lovely essay on politics and morals. It begins:

"Dear Republican and Pro-Life Friends,
Thanks for the spittle-flecked emails as well as for the polite queries. Yes, I am aware Obama is pro-choice. Yes, I'm still pro-life. I also believe that with Obama in the White House that there will be less abortions in America than with the Republicans in power."

Find the whole essay here.

note: I am well aware there are generalizations and over-simplifications in this piece. That does not mean it is not worth reading and considering.

08:43 pm: Candy!
When rightkindofme asked about Christmas traditions, I forgot one of the most important.

Making Candy!

Mom and I have been making Christmas candy together since I was in elementary school. (That's on the order of thirty years for those who are counting.) My sister-in-law has been happy to join us ever since she became engaged to be my sister-in-law. Candy making was today, and this year the run down was:

cappuccino caramels
raspberry marshmallows
almond brittle
toffee
double chocolate peanut butter bark
peppermint bark
peanut butter truffles
haystacks
dipped pretzels
turtle pretzels

Mmmmmm!

09:25 pm: deep breath
I just accepted a new job. Fewer hours, much worse pay than my current job. One hell of a better commute. I'm looking forward to more sleep, more time with the spouse, and hopefully a little more fun.

I hope this isn't a huge mistake.

01:54 pm: my son, the gentleman
I was doing the suburban mommy thing and watching my little boy play in the mall play area after doing a little shopping and lunch. He had climbed to the top of a platform and was waiting his turn to go down the slide when a little girl climbing up behind him reached out her hand. He turned around, grabbed her hand, and helped pull her up. He later told me she was saying, "Help, help."

Not bad for a kid not even three.

07:18 am: Amendment 48
Amendment 48 was soundly defeated.

Thank you, Colorado.

Thank you.

07:43 am: might as well make the political statement
Copy this sentence into your livejournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by those who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

08:58 pm: lightweight
I don't normally drink. But tonight at Namiko's I had their "Geisha" - plum wine, sake, a bit of mandarin orange, and a hint of ginger. Mmmmm. I could have spent the evening just inhaling the aroma. It's a good thing I had dinner too though, because I did do more than inhale. And remember that whole "I don't normally drink" bit? Yeah. Lightweight. One drink and even with a full belly and I'm happy warm fuzzy.

Mmmm.

08:29 am: Colorado's Amendment 48
On Colorado's ballot this November:

'Shall there be an amendment to the Colorado constitution defining the term “person” to include any human being from the moment of fertilization as “person” is used in those provisions of the Colorado constitution relating to inalienable rights, equality of justice, and due process of law?'

This scares the hell out of me.

What happens to a woman with an ectopic pregnancy? Is her physician prevented from "killing the person" of the embryo when it is small and easily removed by drugs or simple surgery? Does the physician have to wait until it grows large enough to burst the fallopian tubes and cause massive bleeding, emergency surgery, and threatens the mother's life before it's considered dead in its own right and therefore removable? Even if the embryo "person" was declared "terminally ill" since it cannot survive in the fallopian tube, Colorado has no Right to Die law that would allow a physician to assist its death.

what happens to the women who are diagnosed with cancer at the same time they are diagnosed as pregnant? Will they be forced to delay cancer treatment until the child is born, de facto sacrificing their own life, leaving the new babe and their other children motherless? Would they be able to abort the child by applying the "Make My Day" law that Colorado has on the books because they felt their life was threatened? Would a physician be legally able to assist or would they be forced to resort to coat hanger methods?

What happens to the mother who is physically, economically, or mentally unable or unwilling to care for herself during pregnancy? The state can take a child from an unfit mother for fostering or adoption. It cannot take a fetus. Would the state take care of the woman? How? If she refused, would they lock her up in prison or an institution to force her compliance?

What happens to the woman who takes legally prescribed drugs that are harmful to an embryo, not even realizing that she's pregnant? Will she be arrested and charged with child abuse? What about the woman who simply fails to take folic acid or other vitamin supplements out of ignorance or economic factors? Will she be arrested for neglect?

Please, Colorado. In your haste to give rights to the fertilized egg, do not trample the rights of the woman who must be a vessel for that fertilized egg. She is a person too.

Please, Colorado, please vote No on Amendment 48.

07:18 am: public pregnancy
Social conservatives are saying Palin's daughter's plan to keep the baby and marry the father are consistent with Palin's beliefs.

I'd be slightly more impressed if I knew the plan was consistent with the daughter's beliefs rather than the mother's.

I'd be more impressed if the announcement was that the baby would be given up for adoption.

I'd be really impressed if Palin announced the situation has caused her to realize "abstinence only" sex education doesn't work.

I guess I'm destined to be unimpressed.

Tags: politics

10:31 am: maybe getting ahead
I opted for the 15 min work massage again, and this time asked for my lower back. The neck/shoulders are still OK and the back is better.

Now my hips/thighs ache.

Maybe the third time will be the charm.